If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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