New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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