do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
