I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
