guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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