just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
