i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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