When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
