Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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