@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
