I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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