Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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