my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
