I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
