wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
