A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
