How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
