I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
