Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
