The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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