My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Where are you guys?
Drunk
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
