I murdered the dance floor call the cops
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
