apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
