last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
