Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
