I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
