all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
