I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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