And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The beers last night were like the tears from god
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
