I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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