Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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