just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
