is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
