Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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