Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
