If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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