Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
