I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
