If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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