I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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