so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
