Apparently you make a good broom.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
