everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
