Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
