I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
