he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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