i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
