i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
porn star boner night. come get it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
