We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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