Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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