You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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