yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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