someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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