i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
