everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
