wanna go halves on a baby?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
