You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
