Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
