You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
