I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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