she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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