Yo dont text me then not text me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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