im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
