i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
