Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Randomize
