I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
