I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
