Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
