i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
