Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
