So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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