is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
