she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
