it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
